


Picklock

by suhossineun



Series: does it feel (better than love) [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Canon Compliant, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Freeform, Headaches & Migraines, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Hyung Kink, M/M, Shower Sex, Vomiting, fucking byun baekhyun has ruined me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 20:49:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11676819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suhossineun/pseuds/suhossineun
Summary: Three times Baekhyun finds his way in even when Junmyeon tries to shut him out.





	Picklock

**Author's Note:**

> This is so utterly self-indulgent. There's no plot, no nothing, I just wanted to write me some baekmyeon. I'm really not even that sorry.
> 
> Catch me on twitter at @suhossineun to chat with me

Baekhyun has a bad, bad habit to walk into places that he’s not welcome in. 

He’s been told off for it several times, has even caused fist fights by barging in and sticking his nose into things that were not his to mess around with, but he can’t stop. Using chopsticks to pick locks so he can shower with the other EXO members, wiggling into their personal space, jokes that probe at their personality traits and even insecurities, he’s done it all and continues to do so. 

By now, the people closest to him accept it, which he sees as even more incentive to carry on. 

And Junmyeon, he has grown so used to it that he forgets the danger that Baekhyun’s itchy fingers and burning curiosity can be.

I  
He’s enjoying a rare opportunity to take a shower for as long as he pleases. Most of the members are out, enjoying their free time or attending to their personal schedules, and for once he wasn’t needed anywhere. His first thought was immediately to take a shower- just let the water cascade down is body for as long as he wants to, relax for a while, without anyone trying to bring the door down in their haste to get to use the bathroom. 

Life has gotten a little bit easier after they moved to their new dorms and separated the group, but even so this is an occasion that doesn’t occur too often. 

The privacy brings forth needs and urges he’s kept suppressed for the sake of not being a burden on his members, on his roommate Sehun. It’s near impossible to make time to pleasure himself, and Junmyeon doesn’t like to do anything half-heartedly, especially given the fact that rubbing one out in a hurry leaves him more frustrated than anything. He’d like to take his time, do it properly, and with the shared living spaces and hotel rooms there really aren’t many opportunities for that. 

His right hand trails down his torso, fingers poking at his own abs lightly in an absentminded manner, before he cups his cock in his palm. He’s already half hard just thinking about what he could do, can do, and he leans his forehead against the cool tile as he lazily jerks himself off, his left hand coming down to carefully fondle his balls. His mind is trying to come up with images, ideas, scenarios… Anything to fuel his pleasure, anything to help him get to the right state of mind. Clips of porn flash through his mind but he pushes that away as soon as it came; he’s never really enjoyed porn, if he’s honest with himself. 

His eyes drift to the bottle of lube on the shelf. He himself placed it there, for everyone to use if they pleased. He figured that it was better to be upfront about it, rather than to pretend that no one was jerking off in the shower. Just one of many duties as the leader, he figured, to provide the means for everyone to satisfy themselves in whatever way they deemed appropriate.

Every once in a while, he does have to replace the bottle, and it’s partially his own doing. His ass clenches at the thought of something sliding inside and he squeezes his cock tighter, leisurely considering fingering himself. He’s got all the time in the world, after all.

But just as Junmyeon is about to reach for the lube, someone rattles the door of the bathroom. He’s not too disturbed by this, doesn’t even bother calling out anything. There are plenty of other bathrooms that are not occupied, no one needs to get in here right now. The rattling continues, like someone is trying to turn the knob, and then it comes to an end just as abruptly as it started.

The thought of someone walking in and seeing him like this makes shame coil hot in his belly, but at the same time it excites him, has precome pooling at the tip of his cock still nestled in his hand. He thinks he would like to be watched, would like being teased the same way that he gets teased in everyday life, but he knows better than to ask for that kind of thing. The leader can’t be the one to make things awkward.

He uncaps the lube and is going to carry on enjoying himself, when he hears the distinct sound of something scraping at the lock. He’s heard the sound often enough to know what it is- Baekhyun with his chopstick. Soon the man’s sing-song voice comes through as well. 

“Hyung, I hope you don’t mind! We just haven’t showered together in a while, have we?”

Junmyeon nearly drops the lube in his haste to shove it back into the shelf, but there’s nothing to be done about his boner. “Baekhyun, no, please-” But his voice cracks funnily, and the appropriate thoughts about someone witnessing him like this stop him from going soft. His cheeks flare up and he turns the water colder with shaky hands to try and gain back some of his composure. 

“Ta-dah,” Baekhyun says in triumph as he pushes the door open and slips inside the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He’s not the only one in the group who knows how to pick locks, but the habit sits tight. “Just wait one moment, I’ll have to get undressed first.”

“Baekhyun, please,” Junmyeon tries to bargain again, stepping closer towards the wall of the shower, back facing Baekhyun because he can’t be sure how much is visible through the shower curtain. “Not now…”

“Now is a great time. I’ll scrub your back for you, make you all soft and clean.” Somehow the promise doesn’t make him any more pleased with the situation, even though his cock is throbbing with excitement, stubbornly staying full and upright. Junmyeon whimpers into the crook of his elbow, hopeless, and he can hear Baekhyun’s clothes hit the floor one after another. 

Soon enough, Baekhyun grabs the shower curtain to push it to the side so he can slip in. Junmyeon doesn’t turn to face him, and crowds himself even closer to the wall. He knows that it must look suspicious, but he can’t do anything else either. 

“Ah, you’re so tense.” Baekhyun still sounds cheerful but also fonder, his hands finding their way on Junmyeon’s bare back. “I’ll massage you, too. You know, I wouldn’t mind you asking me to join you if you needed a hand. It’d be nice, wouldn’t it? Just me helping you when you need it.”

Junmyeon shakes his head, and finally realizes to let go of his dick. Fuck. He leans his weight against the wall on his forearms, hanging his head down in shame that continues to only fuel his arousal. Baekhyun rubs at his shoulders and his back, his hands sure and steady. 

“Why’s the water so cold, hyung? It’s freezing in here,” and with that, Baekhyun presses closer, chin over Junmyeon’s shoulder, so he can adjust the temperature. 

Baekhyun is slightly taller than Junmyeon, and his wandering eyes immediately spot the reason for Junmyeon’s shyness. Maybe he even guessed as much; Baekhyun is incredibly perceptive, and Junmyeon wouldn’t put it past him.

Baekhyun has always been able to read him too well. 

“My, my,” Baekhyun tuts. His hands come to rest on Junmyeon’s hips, gripping them lightly, and he steps in closer, his body pressed against Junmyeon’s the entire way. “So that’s what you were in here for.”

He sounds amused, his voice deeper, and Junmyeon can’t resist the shudder that goes through him. Surely this is not the first time one of his members has seen him hard, but this is entirely different. It doesn’t help that Baekhyun is so close, the heat of his body, the feel of his hard muscles and the patch of soft, curly hair at the base of his cock all making themselves known to both Junmyeon’s body and mind.

“Just leave me be,” he whispers, squeezing his eyes closed. Baekhyun has never been known for obeying or listening well, but Junmyeon hopes that this time will be different. While the thought of having Baekhyun excites him, telling him to leave is the right thing to do.

Baekhyun presses even closer to him, holds him that much tighter. Junmyeon can hear the teasing smile in his voice, even though he cannot see it. “You know what, Junmyeon-ah? I think you don’t want me to leave. You’re still so hard… You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

Junmyeon shudders once more, tries to deny it, but Baekhyun doesn’t let him finish. “No, no. Be honest with me, now. Does it not excite you to have me here? That I’ve seen you, like this, am touching you like this? Does it not feel good to imagine me touching you, fucking you? Would it not be nice, to let me fuck you instead of just satisfying yourself with your hand? It’s okay to need me, it’s alright.” Baekhyun whispers all those dirty things into his ear, lips brushing against the shell of it, his hands moving now to caress Junmyeon’s flat tummy, his sides, his muscular chest.

He should push Baekhyun off, should tell him firmly no. He shouldn’t allow this, but Baekhyun chose all the right things to say. Baekhyun, like always, hit right where it hurts. And he knows that he could still brush it off, call Baekhyun out on his bluff and turn this all into a big joke that Baekhyun can then share later with the others- he knows that Baekhyun would let him do that. Baekhyun will let him decide whether this is just all in good fun, or if he’ll take things further.

His mouth is dry, his thoughts muddled, but his still hard cock is calling the shots for him. He wants it so much that it’s impossible to deny that. And there’s so much Junmyeon denies himself of, so much he doesn’t let himself have… Maybe, just maybe he can have this, just this once.

“Please,” he whispers, his body still rigid with nerves and shame. “Please, Hyun-ah…”

That is all Baekhyun needs, and he wraps one arm tightly around Junmyeon’s middle to hold him close while his other hand drops to his cock and grips it firmly, thumb rubbing at the sensitive tip back and forth. There’s absolutely no hesitation in the way that he touches him; whether or not he’s done this before with a man, Junmyeon won’t ask, doesn’t have to know. 

“Call me hyung,” Baekhyun growls low right into his ear, and Junmyeon can’t hold back the groan that leaves his lips. He’s always rather preferred being babied, being treasured by hyungs… he’s not surprised Baekhyun has noticed, isn’t surprised that he knows this. 

“Hyung, please… Please touch me,” he obeys, needy but delicate, and Baekhyun doesn’t disappoint. He begins to press harsh kisses along his neck, his shoulder, and grinds against the swell of his ass. His hand still holding Junmyeon moves up so that he can play with his nipple, his other hand continuing to jerk him off slowly. With each rock of his hips, Junmyeon can tell how his cock is filling up.

“Such a good boy,” Baekhyun murmurs, continuing to kiss along his bare skin. “So good. Can I fuck you?”

Junmyeon’s forehead hits the wall as he leans forward, searching support from the wall in front of him, and Baekhyun’s hold on him grows tighter still to keep him upright. “Please, yes,” he replies, pushing his ass against Baekhyun’s groin. The warm water running down his skin only makes him more flushed, hotter, needier to feel Baekhyun’s touch.  
Baekhyun chuckles huskily, and lets go of Junmyeon’s cock to grab the lube and hand it to him. “Open that for hyung, and squirt some on my fingers,” he instructs, holding his hand in front of Junmyeon, away from the spray of water. Junmyeon does as he’s told, his hands shaky and unsteady, and the sight of Baekhyun’s pretty, pretty fingers covered in the clear substance makes him weak at the knees. This, this is what his wet dreams are made of.

Baekhyun wastes no time after that, and eases two fingers at once into him, but his fingers are so slender that Junmyeon is not in any discomfort because of it. But it’s overwhelming nonetheless, and he’s panting heavily, fingers searching for purchase against the slippery wall in vain. But Baekhyun’s hold on him doesn’t falter, his body warm and solid against Junmyeon’s back. It’s comforting, even if the fingers sliding in and out of him are a stark contrast to that.

The praise never stops, as Baekhyun proves to be just as vocal during sex as he’s outside of it, but the whispered compliments and dirty words work like magic on Junmyeon. It makes this feel less like a hurried sin and more like a genuine moment shared privately between them, a true act of passion and need.

“So good for me, so hot and tight for hyung, can’t wait to be inside you…”

And impatience soon takes over. The foreplay was nonexistent to begin with, so perhaps that already set the tone for this. Baekhyun pulls his fingers out and grips his hip once more, thrusts his cock along his perineum and the underside of his balls once, twice, drives him crazy with it until he’s whimpering and moaning, before finally pushing inside. Junmyeon has to bite on his lip to try and keep quiet, his legs nearly giving out, and his own cock is dribbling, leaking, needing to be touched.

Baekhyun is not massive but he’s thick, and that’s the loveliest thing of all. He doesn’t keep him waiting either, and starts pounding into him, pushing him against the wall fully, taking him fast. He’s making all these lovely little noises into Junmyeon’s ear, still praising him, even coaxing him.

Baekhyun’s hand slips down to his cock again and begins to jerk him off once more, and Junmyeon doesn’t last long after that. He’s not used to this kind of stimulation, and as much as he’d like to hold on and make this last, he can’t. Everything blends together, the long strokes and harsh shoves of Baekhyun’s hips, the sound of the running water, the hand on his cock, the press of the tile against his cheek, the lips on his neck and shoulder. Time disappears, his own thoughts fade away, and he’s left in this soft limbo where everything is warm, hazy, sweet… where everything is Baekhyun, hyung, Baekhyun hyung.

How long it takes, he doesn’t know, but he comes with a soft cry into Baekhyun’s fist and over the wall in front of him, and then Baekhyun pulls out so that he comes on his lower back instead of inside of him. That makes him a tiny bit disappointed, but he knows that he is just being considerate. 

He’s spun around, and Baekhyun pulls him against himself, arms going around him to hold him securely there. Junmyeon finds himself breathless, needy, and clings to the man as tightly as he can, face hidden against the crook of his neck, the water smoothing down his back and washing away Baekhyun’s hot cum and the lube. Down the drain, just like Junmyeon’s sexual frustration and stress.

Baekhyun is humming softly, hands rubbing up and down his back. A part of Junmyeon wants to say thank you- because that’s what this was, right, Baekhyun just being nice and helping him out- right? But it feels so crude, so absolutely impersonal to say thank you after sex, and he doesn’t know what to do.

But Baekhyun, bless him, acts like nothing is out of the ordinary. He presses a kiss on Junmyeon’s cheek and then shuffles around a bit, reaching for the self of products once more. 

“Now, let me actually scrub your back for you like I promised, and we can consider another round of this afterwards if we still feel like it, yeah?”  
Junmyeon can’t help but laugh, laugh and nod. 

II  
Junmyeon cries quite a lot. He’s learnt to hold it in on stage, especially while giving speeches, because he knows that if he doesn’t get through it then no one else will either. But he still cries, and often cries in private too. As the members have gotten older and more responsible, he feels that he can be more open about his own struggles, but crying in front of them is still something he’d rather not do. He’d rather not be a burden.

Sehun is not home that night, and so it’s just Junmyeon in the room. It’s been a long day, a long week, and it’s not just his body that aches. It’s the frustration of not being able to do as well as he wants, as well as he’s expected to, it’s the fear of being a disappointment, and a million other things. Just one of those moods that takes him and carries him away. It’s not that something happened, not really, but sometimes the mind is weak.

He pulls the covers over his head and curls up small, hugging his knees to his chest. The first tears escape him without permission, just rolling down his cheeks and into his pillow, and although he tries to wipe them out of existence, the dams break all too easily.

The tears turn into sobs that he muffles into a stuffed animal, a gift from a fan or a member, he doesn’t remember. The walls are thin, after all. It’s so stupid, he thinks, to be crying like this, like a child, but he can’t help himself. Everything just comes pouring out, disgusting and real and violent, and he can’t do anything about it.

His frustration with himself and his inability to act sensibly right now only throw fuel into the flame, spurring him to cry harder. He digs his nails into his soft palms, trying to suffocate the urge to punch something, to give a physical outlet to the emotional pain. It feels so hard to contain it all in his small body, the upset and hurt roaring within him to get out any way possible, at least in a scream if nothing else. But he cannot. 

He buries himself deeper into his mattress, into his pillows to try and keep silent, and the blanket over his head muffles out the soft knock on his door. But he does hear the door being opened, and he immediately stiffens under the covers, although he can’t stop the way his body shakes with his uneven breaths and suffocated sobs.

A moment of silence. Nothing moves. “Hyung?” Baekhyun’s voice. He’s quieter, softer than usual, probably unsure if he’s awake or not. It is a little bit early for him to be sleeping, after all. What he’s doing in the wrong dorm though, Junmyeon doesn’t know. 

“Hyung, you awake?”

Junmyeon doesn’t respond, hopes that Baekhyun would go away. The smallest noise escapes him, and it’s all it takes for Baekhyun to step into the room, close the door behind him, and cross the distance to his bed in the darkness.

Baekhyun wastes no time and just gets on the bed, obnoxiously laying on top of him with a soft giggle, and Junmyeon clasps a hand over his mouth to try and keep silent. But he can’t stop the way his shoulders tremble, the way his chest heaves with every forced breath in, breath out.

“Hyung? I know you’re awake, silly.” Baekhyun slides down so that he’s spooning him, the blankets still separating them, and jostles him lightly. Junmyeon tries to curl up even smaller, but he has nowhere to go, and soon Baekhyun’s itchy fingers have managed to pull up the covers to allow him to get beneath them as well, his arms coming up to hug Junmyeon from behind. Baekhyun noses at the back of his neck, holds him like so, and now Junmyeon just can’t hold it, can’t swallow back the pained sobs that bubble up to the  
surface.

If Baekhyun is surprised to realize that he’s crying, he doesn’t say. He’s still for a moment, just listening to Junmyeon’s hiccups and pathetic cries, and then holds him even tighter, strokes his tummy with one hand and brushes his hair back and away from his face with the other.

“It’s okay to need me.” 

Baekhyun has always been good at breaking down walls, and those words are what bring Junmyeon’s down completely. He turns around, as difficult as it is on his narrow and cramped bed, and buries his face against Baekhyun’s chest, his cries turning even more childlike, shaking him deeper. And Baekhyun just holds him, holds him tighter; he strokes his hair and the back of his neck, rubs his back, hushes him gently and rocks them as much as he can while laying down. Junmyeon’s hands grip Baekhyun’s shirt, doesn’t want to let go, and cries without holding back for once, just lets it pour out as it will. But Baekhyun is there, through it all, his firm body surrounding his in the warm embrace, and his sweet voice telling him to breathe, just breathe with him, follow his rhythm, even breaths now, yes that’s it, good boy, well done. 

The violent storm only lasts so long, and Junmyeon is left in a shuddering mess of boneless limbs and shaky breaths, still unable to calm down but unable to cry any longer. His head hurts from crying and his eyes feel swollen, and he has soaked the front of Baekhyun’s shirt entirely. His nose is running and it’s disgusting, and he can feel the slime all the way at the back of his throat, trying to cough it out.

Baekhyun guides him to sit up, his hands sure but gentle. “Let’s blow your nose, yeah?” he says and reaches for the box of tissues on Junmyeon’s bedside table, pulling one out and holding it up to Junmyeon’s nose. It’s an intimate gesture, and no one has helped him blow his nose since he was maybe five, but Junmyeon accepts it, doesn’t try to argue. But he does feel ashamed, ashamed about this all, and the apologies come stumbling out before he can stop them.

A slender, delicate finger is pressed against his lips. “No, don’t,” Baekhyun says, his voice firm. “Nothing to say sorry for. Now, let’s take you to my room. I have a wider bed to sleep in, it’ll be more comfortable that way. Just hold on one second for me.”

Baekhyun rolls out of bed, and turns on the reading light to spare Junmyeon’s eyes from the brightness of the ceiling lamp. He gets up and walks out of the room, leaving the door ajar, and Junmyeon can hear him walk up to the big closet where they store most of their clothing, since the rooms are too small for closets. He comes back almost immediately, holding two articles of clothing in his hands.

One is a hoodie so giant that it has to belong to Chanyeol. Baekhyun simply pulls it over Junmyeon’s head, and helps his hands through the sleeves. “There we go,” he murmurs, and then changes his shirt, putting on one of Sehun’s shirt so he doesn’t have to wear the wet one any longer. His shoulders are almost as wide as the maknae’s, and Junmyeon’s would never fit him. “Let’s go.”

Junmyeon really doesn’t want to venture out into the hallway to go downstairs to the other dorm, but Baekhyun is not giving him any room to argue. He pulls Junmyeon up, his arm around his shoulders, and guides him to the front door. The lights make Junmyeon squint his eyes, and Baekhyun helps pull the hood over his head, to help conceal how miserable he looks after crying so hard. They slip on some shoes and head on out to go downstairs to the other dorm, Junmyeon leaning against Baekhyun for comfort.

At least no one sees them on the way, and Junmyeon is relieved. Baekhyun only stops by the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the fridge, and then ushers Junmyeon into his room, closing the door behind them.

“Just let me…”

Baekhyun pulls back the covers, arranges the pillows and lies down on his back, gesturing for Junmyeon to get on the bed as well. “First, drink. You’re dehydrated.”  
Junmyeon gives a hollow laugh, but obeys. “Are you the hyung again?” he asks in between measured sips of water. Occasional snivels still shake him at times, but he’s calming down, getting sleepy. 

Baekhyun laughs, ruffles his hair, kisses his cheek. “Yeah, I am.”

But he doesn’t let Junmyeon curl up beside him, instead guiding him to rest on top of him; Junmyeon’s head is resting on Baekhyun’s chest, Baekhyun’s thighs bracketing his hips. Baekhyun pulls the covers over them both and wraps his arms around him, one hand sinking into Junmyeon’s hair to scratch at his scalp and stroke his long hair in turns, his other hand stroking up and down his back in a steady rhythm. It’s intimate, tender, and Junmyeon would blush if he had the strength for that. As is, he’s too content, too warm, feels too safe. 

“Do you wanna talk about what happened?” Baekhyun asks after a moment of silence, and Junmyeon shakes his head. “Nothing happened,” he responds. “Nothing major, anyway. It’s just, you know, it gets that way sometimes…”

“Yeah, I do,” Baekhyun agrees. “So relax now. Hyung will be here. Sleep.”

And he does, his eyes slipping closed, his exhaustion taking over in a big tidal wave. The last thing he hears is Baekhyun’s gentle humming that resonates deep in his chest, and his heartbeat that is so loud and vivid against Junmyeon’s ear.

I N T E R L U D E  
Junmyeon has been asleep for a while before Baekhyun reaches for his phone from the bedside table, and shoots a text message to Kyungsoo who he knows should be in the dorm somewhere. 

[ hey man bring me that eye cream the one for swelling ]

Kyungsoo doesn’t take too long to respond, although his reply is just bewilderment as to why Baekhyun can’t go and grab the said product on his own. But as soon as Baekhyun says that it’s for Junmyeon, Kyungsoo doesn’t have any more objections. 

Kyungsoo walks in quietly, hesitantly, and stops short when he sees Junmyeon fast asleep on Baekhyun’s chest, the warm light of the reading lamp casting soft hues on his now peaceful face even though the signs of tears are still very much evident. Kyungsoo frowns and steps closer, sits on the edge of the bed.

“What happened?” he asks, even as he hands over the little jar to Baekhyun. It’s cold, since they store it in the fridge to further aid with reducing swelling. 

“He was just crying really hard earlier,” Baekhyun explains, while he begins to gently dab the product around Junmyeon’s eyes with his ring finger. He wants to do this, so that Junmyeon’s eyes won’t be swollen shut in the morning, just didn’t think of doing it before he fell asleep. But Junmyeon doesn’t seem disturbed, doesn’t even stir or scrunch up his face as Baekhyun works. 

“What for?” Kyungsoo looks worried, and he places a hand on Junmyeon’s back, rubs it up and down. Baekhyun shrugs. “He didn’t want to say.”

Kyungsoo sighs, and then lays on top of Junmyeon, hugging him from behind. Baekhyun doesn’t say a word, not about the added weight on top of him and not about the affection that Kyungsoo so rarely gives the other members, just lets him stay there. He puts the eye cream away and everything is silent, as they all just lay there, one asleep, two deep in their own thoughts.

He stays still for so long that Baekhyun thinks that he has fallen asleep as well, is drifting off himself, before he speaks up quietly. “I wish there was more I could do.” Kyungsoo sounds crestfallen, but resigned. “But at least he’s alright now.”

“He is, I promise.” Baekhyun reaches around Junmyeon’s head to pet Kyungsoo on the head, which immediately makes Kyungsoo sit up and shoot him a playful glare.

“Yeah, I hope so. Let me know if you need anything else.” And with that, he stands up and leaves the room.

III  
In their line of work, no one gets any sick days. The same applies to Junmyeon, especially to Junmyeon. With the comeback so close, there’s no slacking off, no pushing things back just because he’s dizzy and feeling ill. 

If it was just a headache, he could live with it. But it’s one of those that throb all the way to the base of his skull and down to his shoulders, one that feels like his eyeballs are made of sandpaper every time he moves them, one that makes him want to throw up and then knock himself unconscious just so he could escape this living hell. The dizziness only makes matters worse, as he finds himself struggling to just stand upright in the recording booth, the lyrics in front of him squiggling and wiggling all over the sheet of paper like they’ve come alive. 

The praise he earns means nothing. He can’t feel happiness or pride for singing better than last time. He’d rather sing poorly and feel alright, than sing alright and feel like death. It’s not a tradeoff worth making. His stomach churns and he just wishes this day was over already.

He doesn’t want anyone to take pity on him, so he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t ask for an extra break. But eventually his parts in this particular song are done, and he’s asked to come out so Jongdae can step in instead. Recording with the main vocalists means that they take quite a bit of time to finish, which in turn offers Junmyeon a longer break- so he escapes the recording studio and wobbles down the hallway and into the restroom, acid building up in his throat.

He steps into a stall, locks the door, crouches down and dry heaves into the toilet. Nothing comes up- he has eaten nothing all day, so this makes sense. He stares at the water at the bottom of the toilet, his thoughts drifting from one thing to another, aimlessly, pointlessly. Only the pain is a constant.

Not long after, the restroom door opens and closes, and then someone walks up to the door of his stall. “Junmyeon hyung? Open the door, I don’t have my chopstick with me.”  
Junmyeon chokes out a laugh and does as he’s told. Why is he so weak to Baekhyun, he doesn’t know. Baekhyun yanks the door open and steps inside, although there’s not much room there with the way Junmyeon is crouched down in front of the toilet seat. 

“Are you feeling sick?” Baekhyun asks, crouches down behind him, wraps his arms around him and strokes his long, curly hair with a careful hand. “You’re all covered in cold sweat, too, so pale…”

The proximity feels nice, but pity is the last thing he wants right now. He can’t afford to start feeling sorry for himself, or else his resolve will surely crumble away. Another dry heave takes hold of him and he gags repeatedly, spitting out sticky acid. It’s disgusting and he doesn’t want Baekhyun to see, but he’s not letting go.

“You’ve lost weight,” Baekhyun says instead, and his voice is laced with worry, with slight accusation. “Hyung, did I not tell you to take care of yourself? This won’t do, not if you want to stay healthy for the promotion period.”

“How do you know I’ve lost any,” Junmyeon grumbles, a weak act of defiance. He reaches over for the toilet paper roll and wipes his mouth, his chin.

“Because I hug you often enough to be able to tell.” Baekhyun doesn’t miss a beat. “That’s how. Do you think you’re done throwing up now?”

Junmyeon nods. He’s not all too convinced, really, but he doesn’t want to stay on the filthy bathroom floor for much longer either way. Baekhyun hauls him up, then, and walks him up to the sink so he can wash his hands, splash his face.

“Alright, let’s get you to lie down somewhere.”

Junmyeon tries to resist, tries to argue, but Baekhyun is having none of that and half drags, half carries him back to the studio and into the small waiting area that they have outside the control room. Minseok and Kyungsoo are both seated on the couch there, but Baekhyun promptly chases them both up to make room for Junmyeon.

Again, his arguments fall on deaf ears, and Baekhyun keeps bumbling about busily. He grabs a jacket and rolls it up so he can slip it under Junmyeon’s head, and then takes off his own hoodie to cover Junmyeon with it. Minseok sits back down to where he can have Junmyeon’s legs over his lap and just continues browsing on his phone, absentmindedly petting Junmyeon’s calves, clearly trusting Baekhyun to handle this by himself. Kyungsoo stands there a little bit awkwardly at first but then motions Junmyeon to sit up long enough that he can sit down too, and then guide Junmyeon and his rolled-up jacket on his lap as well.

Baekhyun seems pleased with the arrangement, and he pulls out a protein bar from his backpack. He sits down on the floor in front of Junmyeon, and opens the wrapper with his teeth. 

“I don’t want to-” “And I’m pretty sure that one reason why you feel so awful is because you haven’t eaten,” Baekhyun interrupts him. “Just a couple of bites, and then water. How many painkillers have you taken today? I have some, too.”

Junmyeon just looks at him, overcome with the urge to pull him close and hold him. Tell him how important he is, how precious he is- not just to Junmyeon, but to everyone else. But the words don’t come, perhaps hindered by the presence of others in the room. Junmyeon has never been shy about affection and praise, but he doesn’t want to get too sappy for no reason. He doesn’t want to embarrass Baekhyun, even if that’s next to impossible to do.

“I don’t deserve you,” he settles for instead, and Kyungsoo’s fingers in his hair tighten, even if he otherwise pretends not to listen. Baekhyun reaches out to stroke Junmyeon’s cheek, his smile soft, loving. 

“I already told you that it’s okay to need me. I want you to, too.”

Junmyeon wants to dispute that, but can only come up with a ridiculous desire to kiss him right then and there. He cannot, but he wants to, wants to somehow convey how much he means to him… Maybe some other time.


End file.
